May has not been a good month for me, and it’s really eating at me.  So please forgive me for being a whiny bitch for a moment, because I got to dump all these emotions out somehow, and my usual stuff doesn’t really feel like it’s working, or it’s just temporary.

1. Grandfather passed away, had to attend a memorial service for him, because he didn’t want a big funeral or anything, had to help clean his office and look through his stuff, deal with certain family members being absolute garbage, and an all around unhappy experience.

I’m still not over the fact Grandpa is gone, like part of me still feels completely in denial of that… like that didn’t happen…

2. Some of my long time friends on the internet feel less and less like friends, more like acquaintances, with some of them acting outright rude to me every time I’ve remotely tried interacting with them.  Making me feel like we’re not friends anymore, and the real worst time for me to be dealing with that, because it makes me wonder if I should just cut them off from all interactions, or just continue to barely talk to them.

3. Trying to get into better shape.  I’ve been struck with extreme loneliness, but due to stuff with my ex-wife, I’ve been left damaged self esteem about my looks.  I’m trying to get in better shape, because when I considered joining a dating site, I took a picture of myself, and almost busted into tears looking at how I currently look.  I want to be happy with how I look before I feel I can try and start dating with anyone.  This realization was still very emotionally upsetting to me.  The slow process of losing weight, sure isn’t helping my frustrations either.

4. Financial issues keep piling on me, my now dissolved marriage have left me with a lot of debt that has constantly been piling on me.  Add in car problems, medical bills, and the fact my eyesight seems to be getting worse by the day, and it’s been really stressful for me.  I’m doing my best to get everything taken care of, but it constantly feels like things are getting worse rather than better.

5. The second most upsetting thing on this list and the most recent is a bomb my job dropped on me.  See for several years now, I’ve worked the third shift at my job, from 7PM to 6AM.  This was perfect for me, because I’m a night owl.  I’m not even remotely a morning person.  I always feel more comfortable being awake during the night and asleep during the day.  BUT the biggest reason I liked this shift, was since we got less calls at this time, there would be slow periods that would allow me time to work on my other stuff.  Comics, ask blogs, art, videos, what have you.

Out of the blue, my job tells me that they’re moving me to day shift and I get no say in the matter.  The issue is they want more coverage during the times of 6-11AM, and rather than hire a new person, they decide to sacrifice one of the three people from the third shift, and I was the one selected.  I have to start at the beginning of June and I get no say in the matter.

So now I’m paranoid and scared I won’t be able to keep up with all the content I’ve been doing all this time, and it’s really worrying me, because making comics and videos is what I truly enjoy (unlike my job).

But that’s not even the worst part.  See, working third shift also gave me a third shift differential, ie I got paid extra for working after normal business hours.  Being moved to day shift is going to cause me to lose that, and thus lose somewhere between $100 – $130 out of each of my paychecks, and I already lose $200 because of child support.

I can’t afford to quit my job, at least not for a few more years, because I have child support to pay, and my job does give good medical insurance to both me and my child, the latter of which is diabetic and needs it for all her meds and what not.

There’s some other stuff, but I really can’t think of it right now.

I just feel defeated, stomped on, and I don’t know what I can do but let the world beat me up.

So yeah. May sucks ass… I would say at least the month is almost over, but June already has a shitty start coming… so it’s hard to keep my spirits high.

I’m sorry about unloading all this on you guys, and sorry for all the whining, I just had to get it all off my chest, before I explode.

If you just scrolled past this, fine, I understand.

If you read all this, then I love you, and thank you all for listening to me bitch.

Thanks again.

Also check out my video on the old arcade game Firetrap, if you have the time.  I would appreciate it.